The title quote and other lovely, descriptive things were said to
us on the morning of Friday, March 16th, 2012. We had recently come from
settlement and were walking through our newly purchased farmhouse, originally
built in 1902. The owner's family was surprisingly still present, loading
what we hoped were the last of the items that had junked up this gem of a house
for the past 45 years. Although the agreement had stated they would take
it all, soon the people coming in and out dwindled and the last truck pulled
out, leaving old and stained furniture, forgotten plants, large chest freezers
full of foul and stinking water, full trash cans, someone's once-used tools
from the 70's and lots of dirt and debris. There was a dust-covered pool table
in the basement, as well as stacked bureaus that would still be nice if they
weren't full of fluffy nests and mouse turds. The back porch/carport had
a marble-topped end table from yesteryear that had been sitting outside in the
elements in the same spot for so long that the carpet on the porch (we can't
explain why either) was a different color all around it. Shelves stacked
with spray paint, hooks, ice scrapers and other randomness remained in place.
The garden, long-abandoned, sported a fancy green-and-frosted panel
hanging light (think Pizza Hut in the 1990's style) perched atop an old
pole.
Enter the
back mudroom and a refrigerator remains, surrounded by piles of
birdseed and mouse droppings along with the imprints of where more stuff was
stacked to the ceiling. The roof here leaks so bad the floor is rotted
through and currently covered by rubber mats. The shoddy job of the
addition itself is apparent when you try to lean against the outside wall that
holds the picture window; it sways about 2-3 inches with just a gentle push.
Also part of the grand addition was the kitchen and downstairs bath,
poorly designed and by the looks it of, rarely used. Mouse droppings
galore, leaky pipes, a rusty dishwasher with children's dirty magnets still
garnishing it and a fridge with some eggs and orange juice left inside along
with more dog hair than I can even explain being inside a fridge are some of
the adornments of this classy kitchen.
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| This is AFTER I cleaned the countertop of mouse turds and I don't even know what else. |
In the
majority of the original house some of the original doors, floors and trim
remain, as well as a gorgeous staircase and banister and those deep darkwood
windowsills that seem to be the only thing anyone is "oohing" and
"ahhing" over. They've all been beat up, but we think some can
be saved. Once the worn-out, wet-dog scented carpets have been removed,
the hardwood floors may be one of the farmhouse's best features. A
good-sized dining room boasts a stone wall where 5 candles can be placed in the
wall for ambiance. An old but rather unique chandelier hangs halfway out of the ceiling and a bay window on one side of the dining room would add great sunlight if it weren't blocked by a built-in blue shelving structure that was designed solely to hold the owner's gazillion potted plants and containers full of junk, like sports-themed Christmas balls and colored marbles. Arched doorways exist from the dining room to the
living room and from the living room to the entryway, in fairly decent
condition. A fireplace sits in the living room with a fantastic mantle
that we didn't even notice walking through the house for the first time (and
no, it wasn't in the dark) because the room was so full of clutter. An
old and stained 2-seater sofabed has been graciously left for us here.
Upstairs, the before-mentioned wet-dog smell is overpowering, and the
bedrooms don't seem to have seen a dustrag or vacuum in years. Randomness
remains in closets up here as well. Christmas ornaments, vases filled
with seashells, cookie jars, etc. The hall bath is a funny shape, long
then twisting back under the staircase that goes to the 3rd floor. A
two-inch square tile from what could be the original floor had once fallen out,
so someone stuck about a half-pound of wood glue underneath it to
"fix" it. It sticks up high enough to be tripped over.
The tub surely hasn't seen a cleaning agent in years and the whole room
smells like old pee.
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| View from the front door. |
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| Wooden doorknobs! |
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| See the crack of sunlight above the wall shelves? That used to be a window. |
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| Ewwww the baby touched the couch! 2319! |
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| Master bedroom. Oh yay, a free mattress! |
As the 2nd floor
is rather gross and unexciting, one then hopes the 3rd floor, the 4th and 5th bedroom,
or as the real estate listing bragged, the "apartment," was saved from the neglect and wear of the rest of the house. Judging by
it's skinny and steep wooden staircase and lack of debris littering the steps
or small hallway at the top, one can almost wish it to be true. But then just open the door at the top and be amazed at
how some humans can live in filth. Stinking of cigarettes with the slightest whiff
of booze, the "apartment" rug is covered in rubbed off little white
pieces of styrofoam (perhaps the vacuum rejected them), hangers, old memorabilia,
business cards, a 13-inch box TV and a chair, all sitting cozy within the pink
sponge-painted walls. An open doorway to what used to be the 5th bedroom
finds a round table left behind and some counterspace and cabinets, cheaply
done, just enough for the "apartment's" inhabitant to keep to himself
I suppose. A balcony is out a set of french doors, complete with a larger
box TV on the deck and several missing rails. Judging by the shaky look
of the staircase leading from the front yard to here, no one has used it in
years and no one should attempt to use it! A single small bathroom exists
with crappy peeling sticky-tile floors and a half-assed attempt at a stand-up
shower. It's clear that whoever was in the apartment was not a fan of
cleanliness either.
This poor house is
in dire need of love and care and do we even need to mention a full rehab.
The front porch must have fallen off some number of years prior as you
can still see the sections of stucco on the house where it was. Gorgeous old
trees are in the front yard, but they are covered in ivy and we fear they may
already have been choked off and dying. Space for front landscaping and
gardens is prevalent, and since I have a great love for gardens and all plants,
there's potential-a-plenty for beautiful curb appeal once the outside has been
redone and a stately porch put back where it should be.
So here it is, the very beginning of our
family blog about The Farmhouse Adventures, as it will surely be an interesting
journey to restore this once-lovely house to something the neighborhood can be
proud of. Check back often for pictures and posts of our progress!
